You and me forever
INTRODUCTION
I love Lisa Chan. There is no human being I love more. We
fell madly in love with each other and were married in
1994. Twenty years and five kids later, the love keeps
growing. Day after day, she has stood faithfully by my side
—loving me, encouraging me, and challenging me. She is
my best friend. Life together has been amazing. And the
best is yet to come. I’m sure of it.
Even now, I am working to make sure that my family is
set up for the future. When most people make that
statement, they are talking about financial security for
their last few years on earth. When I say it, I’m referring
to the millions of years that come after that. People accuse
me of going overboard in preparing for my first ten million
years in eternity. In my opinion, people go overboard in
worrying about their last ten years on earth.
I have imagined what it will be like when Lisa comes
face to face with God. The Bible guarantees this will
actually happen. One day, my wife will stand before the
Creator and Judge of all things. What a staggering
moment that will be! I can’t imagine any of us being ready
for the shock of that day, yet Scripture begs us to spend
our lives preparing for it.
I’m not suggesting that we work to earn God’s
acceptance. That would be heresy. We are welcomed into
His presence if we trust in what Jesus did on the cross
(John 3:16, Eph. 2:1–9, 2 Cor. 5:21). It’s His work—not
ours—that determines our eternal fate. The Bible could not
be more clear that good works do not earn us a spot in
the Kingdom; living and active faith in Jesus does.
Followers of Christ can look forward to that final day with
great security—even anticipation (2 Pet. 3:11–12).
Nonetheless, the Bible says much about preparing for that
day by “working out our salvation” (Philip. 2:12–13).
Because I am crazy about Lisa, I want her to have a
great life. But more than that, I want her to have a great
eternity. I want her to look back at her life without regret.
I want her to be confident that the time she spent on earth
prepared her for heaven. Most importantly, I want her to
hear God say, “Well done, good and faithful servant. You
have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much.
Enter into the joy of your master” (Matt. 25:23).
Think of all the awards, promotions, accolades, and
accomplishments you would love to receive in your
lifetime. Go crazy in imagining it all. And then answer this:
Could anything be better than hearing those words from
Jesus in the first moments of eternity?
A strange thing happened when Lisa and I started living
with an eternal lens: it caused us to enjoy the here and
now! Many people will tell you to focus on your marriage,
to focus on each other; but we discovered that focusing on
God’s mission made our marriage amazing. This caused
us to experience Jesus deeply—what could be better?
Eternal-mindedness keeps us from silly arguments.
There’s no time to fight. We have better things to pursue
than our interests. Too much is at stake! God created us
for a purpose. We can’t afford to waste our lives. We can’t
afford to waste our marriage by merely pursuing our own
happiness.
In shepherding a single congregation for 16 years, we
had the pleasure of watching couples make radical
decisions based on their devotion to Jesus. It was a thrill
to see them catch the vision and reap the blessing. We
have many sweet memories of enjoying Jesus with these
godly couples.
On the flip side, we have grieved as we watched
couples pursue happiness while neglecting their mission
on earth. We have counseled many who were frustrated
because they desired to live biblically but their spouse did
not. I can’t tell you how many times we agonized for those
who were missing out on God’s blessing and His intent for
marriage. It is partially this sadness that compelled Lisa
and I to write this book.
We are sad for the hurting couples; it breaks our
hearts, actually. But we are even more brokenhearted
about the effect it has on the Kingdom. We are sad
because godly marriages magnify God’s ingenious
creation, but few marriages radiate that glory. We are sad
about the victory Satan enjoys in watching couples call
themselves “Christian” while living idly, living for
themselves. We are devastated by how many choose
divorce over obeying the King. The sad state of marriage
makes the bride of Christ look dirty and unattractive. We
write in hopes of changing some of this.
Recently, we have met many singles who fear
marriage. They watched friends who were passionate
followers of Christ get married. The result was either an
obsession with the pleasures of family or an unending
string of arguments and counseling sessions. We are
writing to say that it doesn’t have to be this way. You can
be more effective together than apart. In a truly healthy
relationship, we enable each other to accomplish more
than we could have done alone. This was His plan.
We are so grateful that God has allowed us to work
together on this book. It is an honor for us to brag about
our God together. The creation of marriage was a brilliant
idea. Our prayer is that we will be able to shed some light
on just how beautiful it can be.
But let me warn you. A Christ-centered and eternityminded
marriage is not the same thing as a “fun”
marriage. Lisa and I have a blast together, but some of
the decisions we make are painful. Yet we know they are
right. Christ promises the abundant life (John 10:10), but
that is not always synonymous with fun. Some of the
truths we share in these pages will lead you to pain. But
tough decisions made for God’s glory produce a good and
right pain, a pain that believers are meant to endure in
this fallen world. It’s a pain that makes us stronger, holier,
more in love with God and each other. Any suffering for
His sake is a constant reminder of our future where all the
pain will be exchanged for glory.
There are plenty of marriage books that will teach you
how to get along and be happy. This is not one of those
books. I am not knocking those. In fact, we have learned
some helpful principles from them over the years. The
problem with those books is that they can make you feel
like having a happy family is the goal of Christianity. They
can make primary things like God’s glory and His mission
sound secondary. They can nudge you into exchanging
ultimate happiness for immediate happiness. To put it
bluntly, those books don’t account for the fact that you can
have a happy earthly marriage and then be miserable for
all eternity. This book is about loving each other forever.
I love my wife. I love marriage. I love love. They all
point to the brilliance of Jesus, who created them all. I’m
guessing you are reading this book because you are either
in love or hoping to be. I pray you allow the Holy Spirit to
lead you into an eternal love—a love that magnifies Jesus
now and forever.
Father, help us love wisely.
